The Japanese are famous for being polite. As a foreigner, you’ll get some leeway in terms of cultural norms, but the more respectful you can be of their culture, the better. The younger generations also place less importance on this and will sometimes be very familiar right away, but until you know, it’s always better to be too polite than accidentally rude. The Japanese language itself has an entire system of forms to deal with levels of politeness — in-group vs. out-group, age and seniority, humble, honorific, and on and on — but as someone who doesn’t speak much or any Japanese, it’s fine to just keep the non-linguistic stuff in mind.
Here’s an overview of a few major aspects of politeness in Japan.
Bowing
I remember the drama back in 2009 over Obama bowing to Emperor Akihito on his visit to Japan. Critics said that it was a sign of deference and subservience — but anyone familiar with Japanese customs knew that he was just giving a standard, traditional sign of respect. It’s not every day you need to bow as low as Obama did, but it’s not every day you meet the Emperor.
The proper way to bow is to keep your hands at your side and bend at the waist — or, if it’s a more casual situation, just the head. As a foreigner in Japan, the times you will probably be bowing are when you meet a Japanese person for the first time or are thanking them. You might also be bowing if you have to apologize or excuse yourself for something, or if you exchange business cards (see below).
Shoes
Shoes come off in people’s homes, temples, some restaurants and shops, and anywhere else there are tatami mats or a raised floor. It will usually be fairly obvious where to put them, and house slippers may or may not be provided. In Japanese homes, there are often multiple pairs of slippers for different parts of the house — so you may need to swap the regular ones for the toilet slippers when using the bathroom. Be sure to wear nice, hole-free socks! (And on a related note, wear warm socks if you’re visiting temples in the colder months or up in the mountains; those floors can be cold, and portions of the temple may be open to the elements. You’ll thank me if it happens.)
Nodding
Thanks to three years of Japanese class and three months in Japan, I now nod constantly when people are talking. I have this reflex because in Japan, if you don’t nod during conversation — injecting Aa, sou desu ka after every new piece of information — the person you’re talking to may think you’re bored, angry, or just confused. Sou desu ka (which is pronounced “SOHH dess kah” and means “Oh, is that right?” or “Ah, I see”) is one of the single most useful phrases to know in Japanese. If you listen for it, you’ll hear it over the place. Also related is Sou desu ne (“SOHH dess neh”), which is used when the information is something that you already know — the exact meaning is hard to translate, but it boils down to “That’s so, isn’t it” or “Yes, that’s right.” (Internetspeak actually has the closest equivalent: inorite?!)
Business cards
Business cards, or meishi, are huge in Japan. Everyone has one, whether you’re a company man, a ramen chef, or a broke student. If someone gives you their business card, take it with both hands, give a small bow as you receive it, and be conspicuous about reading over the whole thing as a sign of respect. If you don’t have a business card holder, which you can pick up for ¥100 at an office store or train station kiosk, use your breast pocket or your wallet — as long as your wallet is NOT in your pants. Never, ever put a business card in your pants pocket, especially the back pocket. This is very disrespectful, since you’re effectively sitting on the person you’ve just met.
If you have a business card of your own to hand out, it’s the same thing in reverse: present it by the corners with both hands, oriented so that the recipient can read it, and give a little bow as you do.
Photo by Bethany Weeks
Police
Police officers are generally very friendly in Japan and are used to giving directions to foreigners and natives alike — that’s part of the reason there are little police boxes, or koban, all over Tokyo. But if you ever get stopped by an officer, take pains to be extremely polite and cooperative. It is legal for them to stop anyone and ask for identification, so be sure to have your passport and/or alien registration card on you at absolutely all times, and be particularly prepared to be questioned if you’re riding a bike. Bicycle ownership is a tip-off that you’re staying long-term, and pedaling gaijin will very often be stopped for visa checks and proof of ownership of their bike. If you speak Japanese, be very clear about how little you speak, or the officers may assume you know more than you do and say things you don’t understand (or believe that you’re being intentionally uncooperative).
A Final Note: Indirectness
One thing you might or might not notice is that when it comes to saying no or delivering unpleasant news, people in Japan can beat around the bush like nobody’s business, putting even my home state’s policy of “Minnesota nice” to shame. People will very often be extremely nice to you even if they don’t like you or you’ve done something to offend them, although there are clues that indicate if you’re looking at fake or real niceness. Try not to be too cynical, though, since a lot is genuine — if you ask someone for directions, for example, they will very often walk you all the way to your destination.
People will also try every expression possible before giving you an outright “No.” When I was living in Tokyo, I went to the visa office to ask whether a part-time job I had been offered would qualify me for a work visa. The government official told me, “Well, in most cases, you need to be working more hours per week in order to qualify for a visa, so it might be difficult.” Difficult? I asked him. Or impossible? He looked very uncomfortable before admitting that I absolutely would not be able to get the visa.
When in doubt, use common sense and don’t do anything that could be taken the wrong way. It will generally be assumed that as a gaijin you don’t know any better and that you’re not being rude on purpose — but why not go in with some grasp on how to do things?
